fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
