I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The air was thick with penises
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
