Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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