and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
