you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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