you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
