i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
