My hand turned me down
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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