the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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