I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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