How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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