Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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