I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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