just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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