i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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