with your own penis?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
