Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
