dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
