Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 607 share tweet
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm experimenting with sincerity
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
