He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
