I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
