i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
