If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
