so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
