STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
