2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
