I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
