I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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