i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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