i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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