come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
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