90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
