just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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