I just made out with a guy for $7.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
