My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
