margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
