I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
