I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I have already put on my inside pants.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
