Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
