My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm at about main and main street
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
