Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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