we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
