woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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