i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
