I saw his package. It spoke to me.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
The power of my boobs compel you
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
