my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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