How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize