Have you finally orgasmed yet?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
