I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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