It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
