Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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