You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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