Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
