so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
